Anxiety and Anger = Sin

For as long as I can remember, I have been an anxious person. Every little thing scared me. Death was the thing I feared most and I often had very disturbing thoughts about it. Of course, after becoming a Christian in high school I didn’t fear death like I did when I was younger because I knew that I would go to heaven and be with Jesus. 

Still, after giving my life to Christ there were still some things that needed some change in my life. I brought some things over into my new life and wrestled with them. One of those things was lustful thoughts.

Not long after my college graduation last year I became really sad. Depressed actually. I just felt I was being bad towards God. 

My mom took me to a Backstreet Boys concert as a gift to me for graduating at the end of May. She wondered why I was so out of it that night. I mean, this is my favorite band and we had great seats! I should have been so happy. Yet, even the band couldn’t cheer me up. The next morning I found myself weeping…in fact moaning and groaning over my sin, sitting down like a small child and repeatedly saying sorry to God. 

Later that day I called up two girl friends I trusted and told them what I’d been going through and asked them to pray for me and keep me accountable.The next few months were wonderful. It’s been almost a year and I am doing well. My thoughts with sexuality are in check. 

But something else has come to my attention as a problem that needs to be dealt with. 
Anxiety.
For years I defended it. I claimed it as my own. I used it as an excuse. I held on to it. 
I now know it is a problem and a sin and doesn’t belong in my life. 
See, I could go a few weeks to a month or two and be fine emotionally and manage well. Then something would happen- an event, a thought, a craving, whatever and I would fall apart and not be able to function. I don’t eat, I don’t sleep well and I’m angry. Really, really angry. And I think to myself- “wow, I must be so bad that God would do this to me..” “He is probably still punishing me for all the lust stuff…” “I’m going to die like this- miserable and without accomplishing anything in life- I just took up precious space and did nothing important with my life, so why did he even create me.”
Oh yeah, it would get THAT bad.
True, I’ve had a lot of painful things happen to me growing up- I’ve been bullied, abandoned by friends and heartbroken by boys, all the while anxiety making those things much, much worse than they were.
Becoming a Christian should have changed that, but no one told me I had a problem…because I didn’t tell anyone I had a problem. Just like the lust thing, I swept this one under the rug for a long time before confessing it and making a promise to change. 
I prayed about this the other night and God put a friend on my heart. I texted her the following morning and she called me back a few minutes later to let me know she would be keeping me accountable and praying for me. Here’s what I sent her:
Hey, Milly! I hope you are well! 
I was praying about something last night and the Lord brought you to my mind. 
So, last summer, not long after I graduated I found myself crying because I realized I had been continuing to sin against God with a way that I was thinking about things. I was allowing my thoughts to go into ungodly territory, basically. I remembered James 5:16-Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. 
And decided to confess my sin to two trusted Christian girl friends. They prayed for me and kept me accountable and I’ve since been free of that sin. 
Anxiety does not honor and glorify the Lord and it’s been causing me much grief.
I have been an anxious person for as long as I can remember. It paralyzed me. As a kid I was afraid of a lot of things. In my teens it affected me so much I had to take medication. Since the start of this year I have struggled to keep my thoughts in line with the word of God and trust Him. I’ve had a lot of things happen to me growing up and I’m haunted by a lot of painful things, so I tend to be afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of failing…
I know God is powerful and I remind myself of His grace daily, but anxieties still cripple me and I know it is sinful. 
Would you keep me accountable as I pray and work on this so that I can be free of anxiety once and for all? 
I really do thank you for being my friend and praying for me. I’m so blessed to have you in my life! God Bless You, my friend! ❤️❤️❤️
So now that I know, from now on I will fight, not fall for those thoughts or feelings, but stand firm in the truth. 

  • When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (‭Psalm‬ ‭34‬:‭17-19‬ ESV)
  • Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭12‬ ESV)
  • fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (‭Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭10‬ ESV)
  • A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ NASB)
  • My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. (‭Psalms‬ ‭62‬:‭5-7‬ NASB)
Will YOU keep me accountable? 
I would appreciate your prayers. 
Are you struggling with anxiety? Leave me a comment and I will keep you in prayer. 
I love you guys. Thank you for your support and prayers. They mean a lot to me. 
God Bless You all. :) 

March Favorites 

I may have had my doubts, but I actually did end up with some favorites this month! 

They are the following:

Hanes crew neck sweater (Black)

New York & Company lip gloss (fascinate)

The Bletchley Circle (BBC, Netflix)
Gogi House 

Product details will be linked at the end of this post


  
The sweater is available at Target in the Men’s section. It is the crew neck eco lend sweater in black in the medium size. 
I have had my eye on it for months and I finally bought it. I already have this sweater in a red small size but wanted one that would be a little bigger because it would look great with skinny jeans. Looking at pictures of Audrey Hebburn and Mary Tyler Moore in the sixties kind of inspired me to want to create this look. 
I can’t seem to find this lipgloss on the New York and Company website, but I found a link on eBay with a picture. It looks great over my regular red lipstick. Just a thin layer gives my lips extra shine without looking kiddish. It looks great on its own too!
  
I’d been rewatching all of Call The Midwife in February on Netflix. A friend of mine recommended this show to me because it was “Call the Midwife meets Sherlock.” Two of my favorite shows in one? How? Well, I’d have to agree. This show has action, suspense, and mystery from Sherlock and all the gushy girly stuff I love from Call The Midwife. 
I never recommend restaurants to anyone because I always go to the same places I’ve been going to for years (with the same friends) but I will just say this: if you ever find yourself in the L.A. area, make your way to Santa Clarita and hit up Gogi House for all you can eat barbecue! It is kind of pricy, but so worth it! Don’t come here if you’ve already eaten! 
Links 

A Bible App plan I recommend

In September I was struggling with my thoughts and going from happy highs to deep down lows in my emotions. I struggled to see things as they were and be patient in God’s timing, but instead allowed my thoughts (not truthful things) to plagued my mind. I started a reading plan that I am now only two days away from completing. 

If you have ever struggled with depression or anxiety and are looking to the bible for answers, I recommend reading the psalms and proverbs. 

If you have a smart phone, download the Bible App and commit to the 181 day daily reading plan: Healing of Depression through the Psalms. 

While I had my ups and downs during the plan, I have in fact grown in my love for God and my trust in Him. I’m not saying this plan will free you from depression, but it will keep your focus on what’s true instead of the false thoughts that run your mind. Spend time with the Lord reading His word and be constant in prayer and your life will transform! 

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭6-7‬ ESV)

Be blessed, my friends! 

Kris 

Link to reading plan

Current prayer request 

Prayer request for growth! 

From time to time on this blog I ask for prayer requests. As a Christian I believe prayer is an essential part of my growing relationship with the Lord. 

I am looking to embark on some very big journeys. 

A lot of readings and sermons I have been consuming have convicted me of my need to keep praying to grow and not fall into my old ways. 

James 1 talks about trials. Verse 12 always helped me when I was in college. It says, “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. “(‭ESV)

Please pray I would follow this example as embarking on new spiritual journeys always causes trials (many of which are just vain thoughts  in my mind). Help me to get through it trusting God and not letting my mind go all over the place as I tend to do. 

I have some things I really need answers to and people in my life who really need a touch from the Lord! Please pray with and for me! 

You are all greatly appreciated! If you have been reading my blog for a while I would really appreciate your prayers! I know I’m being vague right now about what I’m up to…but after these unspoken requests are answered I will let you all know how He did it! 

To God be the glory!!!

-Kris 

Urgent Prayer Request! 

My dear readers. I must ask that you please keep me in prayer. Earlier this week my right middle finger began to get rather irritated and inflamed. I may have left an ingrown nail or some skin at the corner after I cut my nails. Currently it is itchy and full of pus and getting very big. I’ve been putting antibiotic ointment on it. I’ll spare you a picture image because it does look rather disgusting. 

I have tried going to urgent care but since it is late, I have not been able to see a doctor. Medical insurance problems (late mail) have also made things difficult, but I won’t go into politics here. There’s no way I can see a doctor now at a local hospital without having to pay a huge co pay. Please, please pray my finger gets better! Please pray that it would heal and I won’t have to deal with the pain.

I’m feeling so angry and irritated right now because I’m in so much pain. 

 James‬ ‭1‬:‭19-20‬ says, Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (‭ESV)

I’m really trying, but it’s hard. 

Please pray for healing, my friends. 

Thank you so much! 

———————————-

Update:

The following morning I went to urgent care and got it taken care of. It hurt a little and I’m still kind of dizzy, but I have antibiotics and my finger is bandaged up. I am feeling much better and much more patient and calm today. 

Thank you for your prayers, my friends! 

Trying Matte (nail polish top coat)

Hi, all! Just a quick beauty post to say that I finally used my Essie Matte About You top coat on a shade I’m happy with.
In my January Favorites post (link at the end of this post) I said that I was not a big fan of the matte nail color look. I’ve always liked nail polish. The shinier, the better. Classic colors like red appealed best to me.
But today I decided to try out my Covergirl glosstini Polish in AfterDark. It looked great shiny, but I thought I would experiment with the matte top coat.

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You probably won’t be able to tell that much in the picture, but the color is completely shine free. I really like it….at least with this color. I may not dare wear my classic reds, pink, and purples in matte, but for a fun shade like this one it looks great! If I do decide to wear any other colors in matte I’ll be sure to post about it!

Have you tried matte top coat? Let me know what you think of it and tell me what your favorite brands and colors are to use with it! I would love to give them a try.

January Favorites
Current prayer request
Glosstinis
Matte About You

February Favorites!

Hi, all! I hope you have had a wonderful February. Can you believe it’s March already? I can’t!
I’ve had a great month. Although in my January Favorites post I said I had doubts I would be posting any favorites for February because I tend to stick to the same products, I actually have found a few things to share.
Here they are:

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I am a huge fan of Trader Joe’s. It was the first place I went to after being invited to a Valentine’s Day party with some friends. It was a potluck and we were all supposed to bring something for everyone to share. I thought, “Well, it’s Valentine’s Day, so why not bring chocolate?” That’s when I found this Pound Plus milk chocolate almond bar. Not only was it incredibly tasty, it was a hit at the party! It weighed just a little more than a pound…that’s a lot of chocolate…even for five 20-something year old women! I’ll be sure to find another excuse to buy it, even if it’s just for myself.

Next is Max Tea Tarikk (pictured in the yellow pouch and over ice and stirred in a glass). My aunt brought a giant package of individual pouches-meant to be used one pouch per cup- from Singapore during a layover from her recent trip to the Philippines. I tried it first as a hot drink and enjoyed it. But I wondered how it would taste cold. I find I like it best when cold. ‘Teh Tarik is a milk tea beverage popular in Singapore and Malaysia.
It is a sweet, refreshing drink, a more flavorful alternative to plain iced tea, in my opinion.
A friend of mine who is also obsessed with tea bought me Jasmine Green Tea from Trader Joe’s. And yes, she too is obsessed with Trader Joe’s. In fact, she is the person I go there with all the time. I hadn’t had Jasmine Green Tea in a while. I have plenty of plain green tea at home, so she bought me the jasmine. It is very flavorful, but the jamine taste does not overpower the green. The flavor blends together just right after two minutes of steeping and there is no weird after taste like some green teas have.
Finally, I have here a picture of the lotion I’ve been using from Bath and Body Works. It is called Amber Blush.
It leaves my skin moisturized for hours and gives off a pleasant, clean, girly scent that could work as a perfume. Putting this on I don’t have to wonder if I should put perfume on, especially if I’m going out. I just can’t describe how wonderful the smell is. Click the link to the official page for Amber Blush below and read for yourself.

And there you have it! Thank you for reading! God Bless you!

Amber Blush
Jasmine Green Tea
Max Tea Tarikk
Pound Plus Chocolate
January Favorites
Trader Joe’s Haul

Current prayer request
Your support and prayers are greatly appreciated! Thank you!